The Psychology of Self Defence

Physical violence and aggression is not someone else’s problem it can and does affect all of us. The perpetrators of these types of crimes against the person are indiscriminate in their selection of targets. The young, the old, male, female, healthy, disabled, black, white they’re all the same to the person who chooses violence to gain control and power over others.

We all have a right to enjoy our lives in freedom, free from oppression. Feeling and being safe from violence and aggression is a fundamental need for us to lead a full and enjoyable life. The problem is not everyone adheres to these principles and some take great pleasure in stripping others of these basic rights. Everyday of our lives there is the potential for us to meet and have to deal with violence and aggression. For the most part we manage to deal with this by diffusing the situation. This we do by using our communication skills to navigate through the aggressor’s mind until we meet his/her social conscience, (everyone has one it’s just that some are very distorted and often shaped by the person’s own early violent life events). Once we find the aggressor’s switch our communication skills can either make the matter worse or work to turn the aggression off or at least tone it down enough to move the situation away from a violent act. All things being equal we achieve this by self-confidence. If we show a lack of confidence in our negotiations then we risk giving the aggressor a signal of our uncertainty and vulnerability. Once this happens the real negotiation is really one sided, his! Whereas if we can continue to show confidence we can often avoid physical confrontation. Having good communication skills often moves the interaction from a physical confrontation to a verbal settlement.

When the talking stops, or when you are stopped from talking you may then have to resort to violence. Unfortunately in life you can’t avoid man, the aggressor, the hunter, and very often the hunter of man! Because of this there are times when you have to fight back.

In the daily fight for survival you may well be confronted by an aggressive and violent person who is intent on causing you damage or even killing you. Physical violence isn't pleasant but neither is it un-stoppable. As with all aspects of personal safety and survival much depends on your ability to quickly change the way you think and deal with the situation. Generally the fear of an attack is often greater than the attack itself. Once you have made the decision to fight, or have had the decision forced upon you, you must be absolutely determined to win and that means being as ruthless as you can be. Begin now to remove the sporting mentality. Aim to stop the aggressor and give him no mercy at all. It sounds extreme, I know, but if someone is willing to act violently towards you, you must conquer your own feelings of compassion and your distaste of violence. When you fight, fight for your life with all your inner strength. Be absolutely resolute that when you are faced with having to defend yourself or someone else against the possibility of an attack or an actual attack then you will treat it as an attempt to take a life and that means that you have to fight harder than the attacker. Once the action starts refuse to accept defeat work hard to achieve victory. Accept no rules in your combat, revert to absolute brutality you are dealing with a life-threatening situation and as such there is no place for scruples. The second you hesitate the aggressor will take the initiative and that is very likely to result in your demise.

One of the problems with the average law abiding person is that they fear the consequence of this type of action. Throughout their lives they have been taught to respect the law and respect other people. That’s all well and good if you are dealing with a compassionate, normal thinking decent individual. But, for anyone to use extreme violence then they clearly do not fit into this category. And therefore they don’t deserve any mercy.

If you are confronted with violence you do have the right to defend yourself against an attack as long as you can demonstrate that you used reasonable force. And of course, it is reasonable to stop someone from killing you by killing them first!

Meeting aggression and violence with aggression and violence is not something that comes easy to most people. As well as the physical effect of having to fighting for your life and beating your opponent there is the psychological effect. In most cases this damage goes on long after the body has repaired. Console yourself with the thought that you would have not resorted to the crudeness of violence if the aggressor had not forced you into it. Post trauma stress is a well-known condition and there are excellent counselling courses available if you think you need some support afterwards.

The real test is this: if you can put your hand on your heart and swear that you acted in self-defence and that you did what you had to do to stop yourself and/or those around you from getting hurt or the loss of life then you have nothing to feel guilty about.