CONFLICT RESOLUTION

CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN CHILD CONTACT


The Starting point is: does anyone really want to resolve the conflict? Is there a willingness to fix the problem? These may seem silly things to ask but in reality, quite often, resolving conflict means that the warring parties may spend less time together, or not have to communicate as often as they do when in conflict. Conflict can actually be used as a way of keeping in touch thereby not letting go, stalling closure.

If there is a willingness to resolve the conflict then the process should start by taking account of the whole picture and not just your own point of view. This usually involves having to broaden your outlook to take into consideration the other person’s position. One of the major draw backs to this is the assumption that the other person has a brain like yours. They don’t, everyone’s brain is unique, the thought processes are different and to try to get them to process information as you do, thereby coming up with the same reasoning and conclusion as you, is a no brainer.

It usually helps to talk through the needs and concerns of everyone involved. Writing them down gives them a formal feel and allows everyone the opportunity to recognise that their views are properly being taken into the account. It’s important to keep a sense of fairness throughout the negotiations. Look at all the possibilities even the remote ones. Thinking outside the box can often bring about a possible solution. In any event, write down all the possible solution scenarios eventually picking one that gives everyone what they, or at least what they can live with. Keep in mind that everyone should be treated as equal in the process. This is hard if you don’t agree with them. You must keep your feelings under control. It may be worth taking time out if the parties are struggling to come to a united position. Allowing each other ‘emotional calm down’ is an important aspect of negotiation. Allowing and encouraging each person to talk through their feelings and emotions without fear of retribution is the most positive way to work through entrenched positions. Be clear about what the problems are and what needs to change. Do attack the problem but never the person. Work on the positives no matter how slight. Do not allow the negatives to control the discussions. Throughout, keep an understanding of the other person’s position and underpin this by regular acknowledgement of that understanding.

In some cases it may be worth involving a third person: a mediator, but not one that favours a particular side. Any third party should be there only to facilitate good, constructive and positive debate. What you should work towards is a solution that respects the individuals and meets everyone’s needs